Turning Point

As a few of you already know, I got some bad news this week. While reading the obituaries in my hometown paper (online), I saw the name of someone very familiar to me... though it was someone whom I hadn’t seen in many, many years. Back in my wandering days, when I was out in the world, living a life very displeasing to the Lord, there was a group of people I spent a great deal of time with... drinking, partying together. The man whose obituary I read was one of those people.

In fact, I had a particular fondness for him back then, because right after I first met him, he "saved me" from getting caught by the police, drinking in a bar (yes, I was under-age). When he saw them coming in, he quickly grabbed the beer from my hand and took it for his own. To my knowledge, they never suspected that I had been drinking. That act of kindness was always remembered, because I’ve known others who actually were caught later on, and the authorities didn’t go too easy on them. I was always grateful I had been spared that trouble with the law.

But anyway, my first response upon reading his obituary was, "Oh my, I hope he got saved since I last saw him." I reasoned that in 20 years or so, it is possible, after all. Oh, how I hoped that was the case!

I was curious as to how he had died, since there was no mention of an illness or anything. I looked through the previous few days’ articles, and saw nothing about an accident that claimed a life. I couldn’t shake my curiosity, so I then did a search with his name. To my horror, I found three articles which detailed the circumstances behind his death. He had been drinking with a friend on Monday night (at the friend’s house), and they got into an argument. That friend then shot him in the head, which killed him instantly.

I can’t tell you the thoughts that ran through my head upon reading this awful news. The hope that he had gotten saved and turned his life around suddenly died, as if right along with him. Then the guilt set in.

I began thinking of all the opportunities I had, to share the good news of Jesus Christ with him... but didn’t. I began to recall all the means I had available to contact him in the years since, even if it wasn’t face-to-face. I could have written, I could have called. I could have found SOME WAY to let him know about the change that Jesus had made in my life, and about how Jesus wanted to do the same thing in his life, as well. I should have shared Jesus with him. But instead, I kept Him all to myself. And because of that, I felt my friend’s blood was on my hands.

Thankfully, God has placed some pretty wonderful people in my life, who give me Godly wisdom, and remind me of what Scripture says, when I need it. One special friend, in particular, reminded me that God doesn’t give someone "just one chance" at salvation, and that if one person doesn’t share with them, He will send someone else to fulfill His purpose. But even so, ultimately, it’s up to the hearer as to whether or not he/she receives it.

I had a rough couple of days with this, but I can now say I’ve reached a turning point. Although I am still so very saddened at my old friend’s apparent eternal loss, I am all the more grateful for where the Lord has brought me from. And it’s made me all the more determined to reach those who’ve either never heard the gospel, or who have strayed away from the things of the Lord, as I did, all those years ago.

There is a goal, and we must all strive to achieve it in the time we have here on earth. None of us are promised tomorrow, so none of us can afford to put off today what needs to be taken care of, in light of where we (or those we know and love) spend eternity. Indeed, today is the day of salvation!

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Childhood Memories & Regrets

(As posted on my MySpace page last night)...

I guess I’ve been feeling somewhat nostalgic lately, largely due to my coming in contact with "long lost" family and friends again, after such a vast separation. (It’s funny how the Lord works in our lives, and brings to fruition those inner desires of our hearts. What a blessing!)

But anyway, as I’ve looked through online photos and old family photo albums, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about all those distant childhood memories (and people), some that I hadn’t thought about in several years. It’s been quite a journey, this stroll down Memory Lane. There are, of course, happy memories which make me smile. But then, too, there are the sad (even tragic) memories that bring on the tears. Either way, the trip is well-worth it, because as I eluded to earlier, the Lord has allowed this to come to pass for a reason. I believe that with all my heart. And I trust and pray GOOD things will come out of this, for HIS glory.

One of my cousins that I’ve recently come in contact with again... I’ve really had her on my heart ever since. She’s a number of years younger than me. In fact, it’s her older sister who’s the same age as me. But she (the younger one) used to come and spend the night with me quite a bit, growing up. I can remember how she often spent the night on Saturday, so she was able to come to church with us on Sunday morning. I loved that (as did she), because I got to fix her hair all pretty... sometimes with curls and/or ribbons. I got to "dress her up" in something I still had in my closet that was too small for me, but maybe just a tad bit big on her. For whatever length of time she was with us, she was like "my own little girl", at least that’s the way I saw it, anyway. Oh, how I enjoyed that!

In the years of time since then, somehow I feel like I failed "my little girl". I, myself, didn’t always walk the chalk-line. There were about 10 years or so (roughly) that I was out of church, beginning in those latter teen years. There were many things I did during that time, that I shudder to even think about today. What shame there is in looking back on my sin!

But as I do take that journey, I can’t help but think about those others whom my sin affected. I think of my own little brother, for instance. He NEEDED his sister... his only sister... to help him during his critical decision-making years. Yet, where was she? I was out in the world, doing my own thing, living life to the fullest. (What I didn’t realize until after-the-fact, was that no matter how "good" the good times were, life WASN’T its fullest. That was just one of those lies from the devil himself. Life isn’t at its fullest unless you’re walking in close communion with Christ! That’s REAL fullness!)

So not only did my sin alter my own life, but it also ultimately affected my brother’s life, as well. I look now at all the problems and struggles he’s had (and has), and I can see how differently things could be today, had I not gone out on my own expedition, leaving him totally to fin for himself. I could have truly been a "big sister" by helping him make good choices... the number one choice being, to live a life surrendered to and sold out to Christ! (If that’s there, everything else falls easily into place.)

I could also have helped him by giving him the encouragement he so needed, rather than constantly criticizing him for choices I didn’t necessarily agree with, over the years. What a difference that, in itself, would have made!

But as I mentioned, it wasn’t just my brother who my sin afftected. I think about my cousin, who I, on some level, considered for many years to be "my own little girl". I think about the difference there might be today in some of her choices, had my own choices been made more sensibly. What an awesome position I was in for all those years as we were growing up, to guide her and teach her the things of the Lord! I can remember how I used to take she and the other children outside, and do Bible Stories with them. Perhaps if I had continued on the right course myself, she nor I would have made the mistakes we’ve each made in the years since.

I think about she and my brother, and it truly breaks my heart. WHAT A FAILURE I AM, for abandoning the life that Christ meant for me to live!!! Even if for just a little while (or for 10 years, to be exact), so much damage was done! Those whom I loved dearly suffered (and are still suffering) because I was disobedient to God’s Word. I fell away from the life God had intended for me, and it became a chain reaction, that now affects so many others, as well.

I don’t know how to "fix" it now, other than to pray continuously for each of them, which I’m now committed to doing. I would love to see them living the abundant life God purposed for them. I do pray they see how much they are loved... by me, of course, but most of all, by our Heavenly Father. Once anyone truly "sees" HIS love, it’s hard to see anything else, despite what the devil may throw at us.

I am praying.

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She's Alive!

Okay, for those of you who have threatened to send flowers for my funeral, let me just say I've had good reason not be on here for a while. I AM alive, thank the good Lord! It's just been a very busy time. I've had work, studies, ministry involvement (including a *new* ministry in which I've begun, which I'll tell you more about later)... so many things going on all at once, that I just haven't found the time needed to post things here, as I'd like.

I HAVE thought about you, though, and have almost completely filled a little notepad, with tidbits and nuggets that I'd like to share with you here. But as Ecclesiastes 3:1 so simply but eloquently says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." So let's all practice patience, and then Lord willing, I'll begin the sharing process very soon. =)

As I mentioned, I've recently begun a new ministry (literally, "began" it), which has been a burden on my heart for some time. I'm amazed at how faithful our Lord continually proves to be, at granting us the desires of our hearts, when we diligently seek Him. What a wonderful God we serve!

So anyway, be blessed, and oh yeah... please be in prayer for my Pastor. He had eye surgery two weeks ago (two surgeries, actually... cataract, and also a lens implant). The lens, however, hasn't seemed to want to attach itself to his eye like it's supposed to do, so he's been ordered to lay flat on his back (4 different times now), and it was to the point that they were ready to re-do the surgery today, had it not shown improvement today, from yesterday. He's not one for sitting (much less "laying") still for too long, so he's like a fish out of water. He has to go back to Charleston again tomorrow, so please pray that there will be significant improvement, and that he'll soon be released from this "confinement", as he calls it.

I will say, he did surprise us all at church on Sunday. He was supposed to be at home in bed (Dr.'s orders), but he was going nuts, so he came and delivered the 11:00 message, which was a great blessing to each of us, as well as to him. He said it did him good to be in God's house, amongst God's people, especially after having missed several services. Amen to that! It truly was a blessing, and the message he delivered indeed spoke to MY heart. He had no idea what's been going on in my life lately... but God did. Again, I'm just in awe of God's faithfulness!

I'll be back on soon. Got lots to share, but gotta run for now!

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